As promised...I FIXED IT!!!! Please read the re-write

I tweaked the first section of my novel so I'm editing this to read that section. Even if you've read this post already please read the re-write and as always feedback is very welcome!

Excerpt

Morning found Evelyn Jones in the study of her Victorian Mansion staring at her laptop in great frustration. As she stared she scrolled through her latest manuscript fixing minor errors and adding scenes. There was a knock at the door, Evelyn stiffened and clicked save after which she locked her laptop and the case file along with all the papers sitting on the desk in the wall safe hidden behind the self-portrait of her great-grandmother which hung above the fireplace. Evelyn walked back to the desk and opened the first drawer to the right drawing her father’s ivory handled pistol, she cocked it, grabbed the voice recorder sitting next to her laptop and clicked it to a new track she called

            “Come in.” as she walked cautiously toward the door. No one was there. She stood and made her way slowly toward the door, the pistol down by her side, but ready to fire if necessary. She stood to the right of the giant double doors and swung it wide and raised the gun stepping into the middle of the door.

            “I was wondering when you’d figure out that it was me,” a silky female voice drawled from the hallway.

            “You? I’ve known that you engineered it from the start.”

            “Have you then? Where is your honour guard?”

            “They’re not my honour guard they’re my brothers, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself and what business is it of yours where they are?”

            “Oh no business of mine per say, why don’t you step out into the hallway and kick the pistol over to me, we can discuss this in a civilized manner.”

            “Not on your life dearie, I’m not coming out there unarmed so you can shoot me.”

            “Oh and I want to come in there when I know you’re pointing a pistol at me I assure you I am unarmed and alone.” Evelyn didn’t believe her in the slightest but against her better judgement she stepped out of the study and shut the door behind her. She looked down the hall both ways and came face to face with her foe who carried an old revolver.

            “Look, I don’t want to hurt you,”

            “Likewise, but you leave me no choice.” Evelyn cracked the door of the study open behind her and bent down to slide her gun along the floor. When she stood she was, in fact, unarmed, mostly, before she could react her adversary fired and the bullet struck her in the shoulder and ran, The last thing Evelyn saw before she passed out was Michael, Albert and Henry racing towards her as she hit the ground. As she hit the ground her last thought before blacking out was “How did this even happen? How did I get this involved in the case?”